you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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