when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
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