Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Randomize