You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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