dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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