ya dads aren't the best wingmen
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize