new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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