One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
