You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
