He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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