Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
