Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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