My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
