I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
