With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
