what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
