I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Randomize
