whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
