Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
