it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize