the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
