You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
