So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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