put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
