I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
