So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
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