What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
