CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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