i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
