No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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