pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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