ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Just invented taco cereal.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
