in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
