Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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