a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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