capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I did not marry a roomba.
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