Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
