Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
