White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Well I just put wine in my tea
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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