shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
