At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
