im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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