Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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