i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
