...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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