This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
