Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
