summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
