so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
How does one acquire holy water?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
