I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize