My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
