Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
