Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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