You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
