It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
