All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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