it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize