what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
