what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
