Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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