you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
