Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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