6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
This baby is an asshole
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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