I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
