Porn is love you can see.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Let's get the cat blown out
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
