ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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