dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize