Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
