i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
