i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
