11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
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