Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
