3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
