You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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