Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
