he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
