And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
This girl is more easily done than said...
someone owes me an orgasm
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
