We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
