I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize