After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
