Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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