I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
