TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
the liver wants what the liver wants
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
