I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
