if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
