If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
