remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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