he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
