Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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