Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
