I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
