Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
