On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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