i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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