I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
