Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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