I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
