I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
