exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
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