Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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