Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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