Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
