I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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